From opposite sides of the globe
at selfsame stars we gaze,
for once they seemed to hear us.
Guided to one another,
we saw likeness and parallel.
Coincidences whispered of fate,
like déjà vu's cryptic significance.
We read each others' minds,
even in dream.
It means something.
I waited for you beneath the big tree.
To play,
to pretend
like children.
But the waking world sobers
with its sharp claws
and depressing truths.
I find no shelter outside your arms.
Thirst sends me to a cup of conium.
The darkness comes.
Perched on broken glass
I'll soon fall into the night sky.
In the suffocating black I reflect:
Blood beating organs
are wellsprings of pain.
If only we use our minds, and our souls,
perhaps we can find a more illusive beast...
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Author's Comments
Personal, so I won't be surprised if most of the symbolism isn't understood. Open to criticism. Not sure if I put this in the exactly correct category but it seems close enough. I don't write much ... I usually just write fragments, ... sentences here and there on odd scraps of paper and then let them wrinkle and turn to dust.
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Comments
Seems slightly awkward
with it's sharp claws
No apostrophe for possessive 'it'
I find no shelter outside your arms.
Thirst sends me to a cup of conium.
I love these lines!
I really like the concept behind this... it's fascinating to read a different sort of romance poetry. The fact it's very personal also gives it a raw feel, which I personally enjoy in free verse.
--
...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
I'll remove the apostrophe right away, good catch.
I know what you mean about the line "like already seen." I hesitated on this one. It's the literal translation of déjà vu, I warily used the English translation of the phrase mainly to be more original, but also in attempt to enhance the mystery a bit. It does still feel awkward though, would you suggest changing it to "like déjà vu." instead?
Thanks again, and thanks so much for the
--
...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
I'll soon fall into the night sky."
So this was influenced by my painting? You have me wanting to include these lines in a future painting now
--
Keep me from my inside world...
Protect me from the me shaped mold.
"Coincidences whispered of fate,
like déjà vu's cryptic significance."
I love these lines. Throughout the poem, there is a definite raw and mysterious feel to it, which I think is extremely rare these days. It's very well done and well executed..
--
"Wisdom begins in Wonder." - Socrates
So, there are really only a few things needed to make perfect story. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
However, despite some of the very cryptic and "fancy" phrasing, it is lines like...
I find no shelter outside your arms.
...and...
I'll soon fall into the night sky.
...that get me the most. I think they are lovely little islands of brevity in this piece. But overall, very good.
--
"Reading is not the answer to many questions. Unless it be - how to live..."
TheLiterati: = the greatest literary club in the world!
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